Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Kill, Refurb, Marry - Thrill Rides!

For the life of this blog, I have deliberately avoided discussing the theme parks.

well - except for this - my precious:

Oh - how I love everything about this baby
Resorts - yes! Restaurants, events, tours - yes, yes, yes.

But park rides - no.

I suppose I just presumed the average Zontian would not be interested.   And there is MILES of park info and blogs available. Well, this is it! Your one chance to read my views on the theme park rides. Pay attention, it will be over quick sticks!

 Kill Refurb Marry Blog Hop

Mouse on the Mind and This Happy Place blogs are once again hosting the Disney Blog Hop - and this month they chose Thrill Rides!
There may be bunnies, kittens and chocolate inside here for all I know - cause I've never been inside
I am pretty easily excited, so most of the rides at WDW give me a thrill - of some kind. yep - I can be tragic. So I am going to restrict my definition of "thrill ride" to the faster speeds, gravity pulled, freefall drops, discombobulatory  things.

But hey - this time the joke is on them - cause I don't do thrill rides!  The topic should have been Thrill Ride Chicken Exits (yes Tower of Terror Chicken Exit* - thinking of you) - cause I know all about those! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.


OK - let's get to business.


anything with free fall airtime. Really. These things are just clogging up my park when I could be having more 3D simulators, or that hi-tech Harry Potter Hogwarts ride. that free fall drop makes me feel soooo ill, and ruins my happiness for several hours. So if I had to pick the most evil of all WDW resort thrill rides it would be my photo above - the Rock and Roller Coaster at Hollywood Studios. I have no idea but it has a loop in the track. In the dark. Why anyone needs that is beyond me - so let's get this waste of space out of the way and build my previous idea for the Aristocats ride - with kittens.


Now Test Track gives me a slight thrill - in the fast bit at the end. And I know it just had a refurb - but I still feel like it is missing a lot in that opening part.  And I appreciate that fixing Disco Yeti at Expedition Everest ain't gonna happen - but that is the only thing wrong with that ride.

The one really in need of a refurb is Splash Mountain. Not that I have ever ridden it. I mean, have you ever seen the freefall on the front of that thing?  4 seconds of torture.

So how do I know it needs a refurb - cause every Disney blog and chat board in the WORLD rabbits (you see what I did there? brer rabbit.....) on about how there are blown light bulbs, animatronics not working, Million dollar bunny wasn't chasing their log etc etc.   The announcement that the 2014 standard 2 week maintenance will now be 10 weeks brings hope they are whipping out the screwdrivers.

Just fix the thing, so we can all get back to whining about the Stitch Won't Escape and Go Away Experience.


Cause I only have eyes for you ...... Big Thunder Mountain Railroad

Everything good about Disney is encapsulated within this ride
There is a deep and rich back story, fantastic and thorough theming, awesome safety announcement, and NO FREE FALLS - just speed and turns. Oh - how I spent years looking at you from a distance - too scared to try. Then one day your beckoning was too strong to resist, and I instantly fell in love and found my thrill ride courage!

BTMR made me a more confident, better person!! Now I sky dive INTO other planes! Now I taunt honey badgers with mongeeses (what is the plural?) BTMR changed my entire life!

And this:

You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side -- from the other two pigs you didn't even know were there.
A bobcat standing on a cactus. (source:
The world's most intense cat scratching post.

Finally - BTMR is not from a movie, has not been made into a movie, has not had Disney animated characters, like Pinocchio, jammed inappropriately into it.

I can't wait to sit inside your little mine train carriage and hurtle around your track again.

* I should have known there would be a chap called "DisneyElevators" who takes video of elevators. Probably friends with those Disney Bus Spotting guys


Learn more about the parks and rides: click on the links below and get more Kill, Refurb, Marry Thrill Ride stories:


  1. This is so cute! I'm a new follower to your blog. My husband feels the same as you when it comes to 'free falling" and I'm sure you have a lot of people in your camp. As much as I love thrill rides, I also do very much enjoy simulators like Harry Potter and wouldn't mind seeing more of them at all! Thanks for sharing!
    Rosanne @ The Disney Point

    1. Hi Rosanne - what can I say - your husband is obviously a man of distinction and personal carriage, ensuring he maintains his lunch where it belongs. Thanks for your note!

  2. This is hillarious! I love it! I am a chicken too so this is right up my alley!

    1. Just like that guy who has started a you tube channel on disney elevators, we could start a tumblr on chicken exits - seen the all!

  3. ah! i love this so much!! lol you have the best sense of humor ... and even if you don't write about attractions, i hope you'll link up in the future. :)

    1. Hello woman! thanks for organising the hop - you scored a winner this time with this topic. Mrs Banks will return

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